(Almost) Naked Chicken

Fun fact: My mom is a vegetarian. And I was too - for many years (much to the disdain of the rest of my family). It's a lifestyle I don't mind in many ways as I would much rather have a salad than a burger any day but it can also be rather challenging at times. It makes eating out extremely difficult. It was a practice I gave up when I moved into my fathers home after my sixteenth birthday - mostly because I knew it wouldn't be accommodated - but it's still something my mother holds fast to. She'll cook non-vegetarian dishes for the rest of us and just make separate little things for herself. And even though I'm more than aware of all the health/environmental benefits of it I've never been particularly tempted to take up vegetarianism again - until last night.

My mother was kind enough to pick up a chicken for us to roast yesterday at the store but upon bringing it home and opening it up to clean it we found this:

Yea - those are feathers. Yep. FEATHERS. Ew.

Is there not like a big long process in which all the chicken resembling parts of the chicken are REMOVED for the health/sanity of us chicken consumers?

My precondition with food is that it must not look like whatever animal it formerly called itself. I don't want to know.

I just about died upon seeing this. And just as I was gaining my composure enough to be able to take this picture my mom looks over her shoulder and goes:

"Hey [Little Brother] - will you go get the pliers?"

At which point I ran from the room, covering my mouth, and trying not to gag.

However I am now an expert on what it sounds like when an already dead chicken is plucked. Yeah. There's a sound.

I'll be spending the next week eating nothing but muffins and cornflakes - thank you very much.

Fickle Fortune

Interestingly enough I seem to have bad luck with Fortunes. Fortune cookies loathe me and as soon as they see me coming they rearrange themselves, pushing their meanest, most unappealing, and literally heartless fortune to the surface of their little colony where (without fail) I choose it. I don't know why I thought a fortune telling website would provide a different outcome.

"You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery."

.....what?

I don't know whether to be flattered or paranoid. What are the odds of me being framed for robbery in Logan, Utah? On a scale of 1-10 that's like a negative 34 right? And even if I were to put any significant amount of time and effort into a robbery - Fate, I'm sure, would see that I made no profit from it whatsoever. While all my accomplices flee to their luxurious leather seated jet with cash in hand I will certainly be the one left sitting on the sidewalk, cuffed to an unflattering lamppost, undoubtedly covered in that exploding purple ink. Thrilling prospect here - really it is. However - the all knowing Fortune Page would beg to differ and has now officially rooted my distrust in StumbleUpon - from whence it came. Not only does my glaring pixelated fortune say I'll be involved in a robbery but also, apparently, that I'm going to do time for it. Lovely. Every girls' secret fantasy - 15 years in prison without time to even spend the profits of your escapade. Why is it that I can't have one of those nice, flowery, sugar-coated fortunes? The best fortune I've ever had I think was one that said "Buy the red car." And since I would never buy a red car (or yellow) as its just asking to get a ticket - which always reduces me to tears - I was rather displeased. So now I'm tempted to go raid my local grocery store for boxes of fortune cookies in search of just one good humored fortune. Just one.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Lizzy

Organic Thoughts

Wow - So sorry for the time away. Pretty crazy week what with Easter and all. I actually ended up going to a pretty ritzy place for brunch. Can't complain about that. However instead of giving you a long drawn out update on the minute details of my week I think, instead, I'll let you in on something I've been considering.

I loathe - with the deepest loathing possible - all varieties of "fat-free", "sugar-free", "carb-free", and essentially "food-free" food. Seriously, if you find yourself victim to the sadistic notions that depriving yourself of the necessary nutrients in food will allow you to eat more of it without gaining weight you have been strongly misled. It does not matter how few or how many calories that triple glazed, cream filled, sprinkle-heaven doughnut of yours has. It's still a doughnut. If you eat 47 of them you will get fat. That's right I said it. You will get fat. Life's a bitch that way - and she wont put up with any of our nifty little chemical/enzyme tricks. Go right ahead and take all the diet pills you want - whatever pounds you drop will be replaced with water weight and eventually long term fat. F A T. Fat.

Now I don't mean to be a downer about all of this - I just cant help but be amazed at the ignorance of some people over the matter. For example: those who think drinking diet soda (as opposed to non-diet soda) will do much good. Here's a thought - drink some water. Hell - drink flavored water if you must. The fake sweeteners and chemical additives in diet soda are far more harmful than the sugar in regular soda. So Ha.

Also - "I Cant Believe It's Not Butter". Great. So what exactly is it? No one knows....and that's how they like it. Truth be told if the large majority of society knew what was in their food - and the proven side effects of such additives - there would be a mass reverting to home grown vegetables.

Speaking of vegetables I have added considerably to what I plan to plant in my garden and am eagerly awaiting the last frost date (apparently somewhere near April 26th in my area) so that I can start sowing seeds!

Organic all the way.

More soon.

Lizzy