Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Fickle Fortune

Interestingly enough I seem to have bad luck with Fortunes. Fortune cookies loathe me and as soon as they see me coming they rearrange themselves, pushing their meanest, most unappealing, and literally heartless fortune to the surface of their little colony where (without fail) I choose it. I don't know why I thought a fortune telling website would provide a different outcome.

"You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery."


I don't know whether to be flattered or paranoid. What are the odds of me being framed for robbery in Logan, Utah? On a scale of 1-10 that's like a negative 34 right? And even if I were to put any significant amount of time and effort into a robbery - Fate, I'm sure, would see that I made no profit from it whatsoever. While all my accomplices flee to their luxurious leather seated jet with cash in hand I will certainly be the one left sitting on the sidewalk, cuffed to an unflattering lamppost, undoubtedly covered in that exploding purple ink. Thrilling prospect here - really it is. However - the all knowing Fortune Page would beg to differ and has now officially rooted my distrust in StumbleUpon - from whence it came. Not only does my glaring pixelated fortune say I'll be involved in a robbery but also, apparently, that I'm going to do time for it. Lovely. Every girls' secret fantasy - 15 years in prison without time to even spend the profits of your escapade. Why is it that I can't have one of those nice, flowery, sugar-coated fortunes? The best fortune I've ever had I think was one that said "Buy the red car." And since I would never buy a red car (or yellow) as its just asking to get a ticket - which always reduces me to tears - I was rather displeased. So now I'm tempted to go raid my local grocery store for boxes of fortune cookies in search of just one good humored fortune. Just one.

I'll let you know how it goes.



Bob The Mohawk said...

Let's hope it was just one of those cases where they opened the wrong box of cookies, eh? :)

Great post, by the way! You write very well! Check out my blog if you have some time!


- Bob The Mohawk

Jessica said...

Love the blog... stumbled across it as I was reading comments on Working Girl's. You are too funny! Linking you to my blog :)

I'm Just Me said...

I love how you fuse humor in your writing style! I will link your blog on my page so I remember to keep checking back.... just to see how the bank robbery prediction works out for you that is :-D

Megan said...

What a random fortune!