Tuesday, July 29, 2008


In the end, even though I usually refuse to admit it during the process, I'm always grateful for change. Amidst the mini panic attacks, the midnight teeth grinding - which i still refuse to believe I do by the way (regardless of what my dentist says) - and the compulsive ebay-ing, I always come to realize that the change is a good thing. It's so strange to look back just a few months and see how little decisions snowballed into a far greater and unexpected effect than you ever might have though they'd have. In this minuscule little droplet of time I've left my old job, changed cities, found a completely wonderful man whom I truly love, reconnected with my family, and for the first time decided to single-mindedly pursue writing as a career. And I somehow found time to build this little blog.

Even though its been fun the past few weeks watching my life follow this capricious little route, much like my puppy does with his own tail, I also have to admit to being mildly terrified that one of these decisions will lead me down a path I don't want to go. A recent conversation with the boyfriend (who shall henceforth be known as "J") went something like this:

*Some previous discussion about me choosing a career as a writer*

me: I'm just worried that things will all turn out wrong.
J: Well, seriously, what's the worst that could happen?
me: I could put out four, five, or six books - have them all fail miserably, be behind on my degree, have no way to pay for said degree, and ultimately spend the rest of my life making minimum wage working at Hot Dog On A Stick.
J: Damn.
me: I know right?
J: I have faith that it will all work out for you.

Which is something I'd really like to believe but never quite seem to get my butterfly net around. However as much as I worry I still cant help but be happy - I love my new life and the people in it and now certainly seems like as great a time as any to wrestle with my writing. So that's what I'll be doing - and contrary to popular belief I actually am doing it! (Writing, that is.)


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